Integrity

Yesterday I screwed up. It wasn't too huge. The world won't end. I still have my job running my own company. But in hindsight, it's bugging me. It's bugging me because I did what I see others doing all the time. And when they do it...and they seem to do it a lot....it drives me f#*#% batty. What did I do? I missed a Skype call. I didn't need to. I could have scheduled it properly. Taken it seriously. Prepped for it. Set a reminder. But I didn't. I paid lip service. Assumed it would be unimportant. Got selfish. Got lazy. Scheduled it incorrectly. Then completely forgot about it. As it turns out, the call was important and helpful. The professional gentleman half way round the world with serious interest in what we do persisted (he got me on the phone instead) and helped me get my act together. Why? Why did I do it?!? There are various rationales. I'm busy. I didn't have perfect access to the 'helper' technology I normally use. I really did mean to get to it but just got behind. There was more research I meant to do. Which is all BS. The truth is I saw myself heading for this screw-up all week and didn't care enough to fix it. Plain and simple. I DIDN'T CARE. Which sucks. I need to fire myself. What's doubly disturbing is that this comes at a time when we're wrestling with integrity in others. We've been let down constantly by people who know better but don't care either. People who make commitments as I did, then ignore them. We're tired of it to the point of changing what we do. Tossing people over the edge. Calling them on their shit. Today, I'm calling me on my own shit. And promising myself it won't happen again. It's a tall order. I'd better be tall enough to handle it. Or, I'm fired.